And It Breaks Her Heart
by mmshhuelle
Summary: She knows she should walk away now, at this very moment but the gravity that ties them together keeps her at bay.  Hint of Niley but barely.


She stood there against the wall trying to support her body from falling down completely. The tears flow silently down her cheeks, her skin glistens in the light. Her eyes are fixed forever on his image in front of her. The thoughts in her mind are wired constantly rushing through her head. Her fingers grab a hold of the wall as she almost gives up and her body begun to slide. She knows she should walk away now, at this very moment but the gravity that ties them together keeps her at bay.

The sudden rush that hits her muscles forces her to be strong. His fingers find their way around her as support. But it burns her skin as she feels his touch. She wants to push him away, it was too late. She could live without him; she keeps trying to push that thought more into her heart than her mind. Her thoughts disappear as she is now focused on where he is, where his fingers have found themselves, where his body movements are now made clear.

He stares at her intently, but she shakes her head and her legs buckle. Not even his arms can hold her up and she's laying on the ground now. She's still shaking her head and he's just standing there staring at the mess he had made.

He pulls her up and drags her body towards him. His arms find their way around her waist and he holds her up with all the strength he possibly could have. His back finds the mattress and she find herself wrapped up around him.

His hand pushes her hair away from her face. He leans forward and grasps her lips in a chaste kiss. This was all he knew to do when she was feeling this way; broken beyond repair. His face moves down along her jaw and his lips remain connected to her skin. She feels his breath and bittersweet kisses all over her. And at the moment, her heart settled and her mind went blank. He now moves along the veins of her neck, planting his lips wherever he could. Sloppy; sloppy was all he ever was when it came to kissing. Along her collarbone, she felt the lingering touch of his wet kisses. She hoped it would be forever permanent. (But they eventually fade away anyways.)

She lifts her head up giving him more access. This was how it had come down to when everything got too hard. Their emotions mix with the air and they both give away to their senses and desires. Her hands move along the side of his head and she grasps the curls of his hair into her fingers trying to suppress the moan locked beneath her lips.

He looks up, his eyes finding hers as his fingers explore up and down the side of her skin ending at the hem of her shirt. He pulls it up slightly not wanting to pressure her since it all just seems too wrong yet so right. (They were too wrong for each other, yet too right to deny.) He swears there is a gleaming sparkle in her eye as she nodded lifting her body up. The light-beige shirt now slipped over her head and up along her arms before being thrown on the floor. He snaps the bra strap lightly against her skin before pulling it down and replacing his kisses there instead. Her head leans back and the moan she had tried so hard to suppress fills his ears.

Now she finds herself lying on the bed as he pulls the white v-neck over his head. And together, they wrapped themselves up in bundles of sweat, kisses, and warm blankets as their clothes lie still among the wooden floors. A mixture of pain (she's letting go of all of it because that's what she wants) and joy fills the warm air surrounding them.

The sun is seeping through the cracks of the blinds and it hits her face. She doesn't want to wake up; it all feels like a dream to her. Her mind pleads to keeps her eyes close so she can be a part of this world forever. A world, where they can lie perfectly still next to each other and be more than content.

But dreams aren't real.

Sometimes you have to wake up and face the truth of it all, the reality of what is meant to be and what can only happen at that exact moment. And she knows this.

Her desires and wants and needs lose a quick battle against fate and destiny. And her eyes are opened, pulling in the sunshine.

She feels his arms tight around her and her eyes find his peaceful face. There is crinkle next to his eye as his lip is tugged upwards. And she wonders what he is dreaming of at this moment.

But the pain is rushing back into her veins. The blood that pumps her heart feels the pain all over again and she wants to scream. She wants to pick up all her belongings on the floor and run. She wants to run far away from him until its love that makes her heart beat instead of the aching pain.

And she remembers. She remembers how broken they are. How broken they're meant to be.

She chokes back a sob as she pulls away from him, wrapping her naked skin up in his sheets. And his eyes open the moment he feels her pulling away. He remembers what is real and not a part of his dreams.

His mouth parts, he wants to say her name but silence is all he knows. The sharp pain that lingers in the air keeps his heart silent and his words unheard. He turns to face her but it's too late. She covers her face as to muffle the sound of her tears.

And he knows now.

He has to admit what he thought was impossible.

(She admitted it and now she's broken.)

But he doesn't want it to be the truth.

It can't.

He hears her pull her sheets down off her face and the tears streaming down as if it's never ending. But he has no way to make it stop from spilling. And he wants to avoid the truth by never stating it out loud. (Because that's the only way it becomes true right? When it leaves your lips)

Again, he wants to say something but nothing, nothing comes out as the tears stain the white sheets surrounding them.

But she's stronger than him. She's already admitted the impossible (or so they thought).

She calls his name and the tears are falling faster now. Her blue eyes capture his brown orbs and she wants to break down more than she possibly could. She states her apologies for doing the things she had done that broke his heart. But she's not meant for love. She's not meant for the commitment but oh how he made her want it all.

But she's not good enough for him.

And she knows it. She can tell when her reactions don't add up to what he wants. Or how she feels isn't the way he wants her to be. Her actions were never enough, not for him. But they were for her; she loved the best she could, the best she had ever given to anyone. But it wasn't the typical love everyone thinks they deserve (the one he thinks he deserves) and therefore it was never enough.

And it hurts her.

It's like a knife that remains in her heart making a larger gash the more she thinks about it.

The more she realizes it's the truth.

And she cries harder than ever in front of him.

He tells her their standards are different. But he doesn't deny that she's not good enough for him. He reminds her that her actions matter to him, that all she's ever given him (the love, the kisses, the attempts to be romantic) meant something to him.

But all she hears is that he doesn't deny the idea that she is not good enough.

She pulls the sheets close to her heart as if to stop the bleeding from it being shattered as she stands up. Her fingers find her clothes and she pulls on the cream shirt and floral printed skirt. He doesn't protest and watches as she dresses herself.

He knows what is coming and he wants to stop it.

She's pulling on the knob of his door now and her mind tells her to wait. She wants to hear him say it. The words that will make her stay and fight this out with him. Her hand turns the knob and there is silence filling the room.

And as if she thought her heart couldn't break anymore.

"You never really wanted this." She hears him say. "You were so caught up with keeping your guard up that you couldn't love me properly. And it broke me. You broke my heart."

She's furious and fuming with emotions. Her hand leaves the door knob but her body finds strength in leaning against the door frame as she turn towards him.

"I never love you properly?" the tears fill her eyes, "I love you with all I could in me. I'm in love with you, more than I want to. I may be scared, but I fought that fear to be in love with you every single say. Maybe not fully like you wanted, but it was for me."

"Face it. I will never be enough for you. Never."

She chokes back a sob.

"All I ever wanted was to be enough for you."

And with that she turned the knob and left. His vision now filled with the image of her back as the tears become more evident along his cheekbones.

The truth finally comes out, rather he wanted it to or not.

xxxxxx

The next time she see him, they're at a party.

She had been forced to come seeing how it was her best friend's celebration. Of course he was also best friends with the same girl and she couldn't avoid him any longer.

The music, laughter, and conversations fill her ears as she silently sits herself down near the bar. It was too soon to be out of her bed, to stop crying so hard. (Or so she thought.) She sees her best friend coming her way and now she's dragged onto the dance floor. She's trying her best to be better but it's so hard and she can't seem to fake it for one night.

And that's when she sees him.

Brown eyes, dimples, and a mess of curls entering through the door of the room. He's wearing the shirt she had bought him a while ago and holding a package which he placed where the other presents had been. But his eyes haven't found hers yet. And she's not sure she even wants to.

She makes a move for it, eyeing an apology to her best friend. Her legs sprint to the restroom before he could even see her. But they're not quick enough. And just like that brown meets blue. The ocean hits the sand.

He smiles at her (because he doesn't know what else to do).

She smiles back.

But she wants to melt down.

Her best friend waves before pulling her away. Before she can break down and before the tears stain her skin.

And she finds herself in her best friend's arms. Tears stained her cheeks and dress.

She hears there is beauty in a breakdown.

But she doesn't see it.

**please review, it'll make me happy. thanks for reading even if you don't read. Here is a window in to my heart. **

**xo. M  
**


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